any way i was doing a reflection paper for my Psy180 class annnnnnnd its totally wrong of whatever but i thought it would make a good topic.. its about my best friend again... and its long as fuck because i tend to talk a lot anyway.. here it is... I have a friend. We’ve known each other for 10 years and she’s never had a boyfriend. She’s also older than me so I consider her my older sister. When she was telling me the good news (about her getting a boyfriend) I was excited. We had talked about a change in our friendship long before that ever came about. I have had boyfriends in the past and we always talked about how I’m always leaving my boyfriend for her. I would always say isn’t that how it should be until I get married? But then again I should never feel l like I have to choose. We would always talk about the other girls that would completely forget about their friends and only worry about the person they were dating at the time.
We always said that we would never be
like that. So a few weeks ago when I spent the night over her house she told me
she was going to go somewhere with him and that she thought I should come I declined
because I didn’t want to look like a third wheel. Of course she said I wouldn’t
but I told her no matter how you put it in words I will always look like third
wheel in that situation besides we’re not going to do anything here and I might
just go swimming all day anyway. With that said he showed up and I met him they
left and came back around 1. I though he was just going to drop her off.
Instead he came upstairs into the
house and it made everything very awkward for me because they stayed in the
living room while I stayed in her room. I wasn’t sure if I should close the
door or if I should go out there with them. I didn’t want to intrude so I stayed
in her room leaving a few times to go get something to eat use the bathroom etc.
I went out there the first time and noticed the TV was off and I didn’t search
for them in fear of what I might find but I yelled out from the kitchen and
said something about crackers to see if they were still even in the house and
Nina yelled back oh really so that’s when I knew they were in the living room.
I didn’t want to interrupt anything
else so I went outside she asked where I was going and I just said to sit on
the stairs. She lifted herself up but Mitch quickly pulled her back down on the
couch and she laughed so I left. I can admit I was upset for being put in that situation
because I feel if she wanted to spend more time with him then they should’ve stayed
out. I had so many mixed emotions I was becoming irritable at the most. When I sat
on the stairs it took her a while to come out. She only came out because her
mom got home. This upset me the most. I was angry. FUMING. But I DID NOT let it
show.
When her mom came home she opened the
door while I and her mom were talking and her hair was sort of messy. She had
this look on her face that made it look like she was guilty of something. I whispered
”Why do you look like you’ve done something wrong?” and she looked at me as if I
had sprouted 6 heads. She proceeded to ask me what I was talking about and I said
“Kid come on I’ve known you half your life…You look guilty...Is Mitch not
supposed to be here?” She was like no I'm fine. Her mom went into the house and
saw him there.
They greeted each other and we all
sat outside on the stairs excluding her mom who was inside watching basketball.
We sat outside and I put in both headphones because Mitch and Nina were talking
and it wasn’t something I could but into I felt then Nina asked me a question.
I answered her and Mitch had asked me something and I was surprised he did because
he really never even acknowledged me. He said some stuff here and there. I kept
one ear bud out and entered in the conversation when I had input but the
conversation was always centered around Mitch instead of Nina or even just
general conversation.
He then asked her I didn’t want to
speculate that he whispered even though I feel he did. Because his body language
made it look like he only wanted her to hear he leaned closer toward her and I'm
guessing asked her if she was hungry, because Nina looked at me and asked me if
I wanted to go with then to get something to eat. I agreed even though I didn’t
have money (Nina knew this) I thought we were going to McDonald’s I could get
full off of a kids meal. She left to get her stuff and Mitch and I stayed
outside. I asked him where we were going and he told me the melting pot I had
never heard of that and he saw the confusion on my face because he said “fondue?”
I scrunched my face and we had a small conversation about it.
I made it obvious I didn’t have money
and wanted to change my mind. But I had already said I was hungry and by me
saying I didn’t have cash I had hoped they would change the destination. But my
plan had failed because we got into the car and not soon after we were at the
melting pot. I sent Nina a message asking who was paying because I didn’t know
what to do and she asked Mitch. He said half and half and I knew it was because
he didn’t want to pay for me to me it was a logical answer because he didn’t even
offer to pay the whole way. I understood. And Nina offered to pay for everyone he
insisted half and half and kept saying it’s expensive.
Which made me feel even worst about
tagging along. I felt like the worst friend of the year. She said it was ok and
we continued with dinner. I noticed that she didn’t really laugh at the stuff I
would say and we both have a sense of humor that doesn’t always transfer but WE
understand each other EVERYTIME we make a joke.
I could see she was stifling laughs and would
laugh at the driest joke he told. I wasn’t rude or mean in any way even when he
smacked my hand trying to be funny while I was playing with one of my ear buds
I guess he was trying to knock it out of my hand. Nina laughed but I just stood
there. I felt it was very disrespectful and I was hurt Nina didn’t say
anything. I felt as if she wasn’t being herself. This made me very distant in
their conversations. I felt as if I would make a joke there would be that awkward
silence so I just giggled at some of the stuff they said and mostly listened to
my music. I would try to turn my attention somewhere else when he would kiss
her because that would cause people to stare and that embarrassed me a little too.
Mostly they stared because they are an interracial couple, then they would stare
at the fact that he was constantly kissing her. I felt a few stares and made
eye contact with a few people whom I just smiled at and turned away again and
tried to start up a conversation ewe could all join into. In the end it would
always be just two of us talking either Nina and I were in a conversation or it
was Mitch and Nina. We finished went back to Nina’s and I thought he was
leaving so I prepared to say goodbye and he turned off the car and walked in
with us.
Needless to say I stayed in her room
and they stayed in the living room. He spent the night and left early morning
when I woke up she asked me how I felt about him I tried to be as honest as I could
without sounding like I completely hated him or as if I was jealous. She acted
like she was surprised that I was feeling like a third wheel. And I pointed
things out for her and she sounded as if she was making excuses. I just agreed
to disagree because no matter how many times I told her I was a third wheel she
would say I wasn’t. I had told her there would be a change in our friendship and
to me the change depends on her if she wants to spend more time with Mitch then
go ahead and if not then go ahead. I don’t mind either way but I won’t be a third
wheel.
It’s been 3 weeks since we have
talked I'm not sure why but I feel like I know why. I never hide my feeling
from her but this time I feel as if I kind of did. I have recently talked with
her and the atmosphere is kind of awkward and whenever she brings up Mitch in a
conversation I listen for a while then switch to something else because I know
that if I let her she'll keep going on and on.
And there it goes...hahah all i did was copy and paste obviously so when im writing this im like lmao funny like i had super human speed XD anyway ill do a double post cause im hungry right now sooo YUH.. UNTIL LIFE STOPS :)
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