You know what....

I was just thinking about something.. Okay So I was on this website (when I googled myself don’t judge I think everyone should do it to see whats out there and not many people have my name. I found some funny things look me up Ceja Hall I have a international winery lmao jkjkjk I'm a nobody about twitter accounts and it was when I just got my twitter some time ago idk a few years maybe and I found out that the cost of my account (I'm guessing) was like 8 bucks and then I was what?! I don’t have 8 tweets. I had just got up to 1000 something I forgot and I was like this is wrong so I pressed the update button and now my account is worth *drumroll please* it’s a whopping $48.67 I know amazing right?! Please my ass… it kind of makes me wonder how much my youtube and facebook and stuff is worth …it actually makes me sad cause I know there are so many people who are like…. Internet sensations and I'm just..not I’m not feeling sorry for myself or trying to get any sympathy I'm just writing it down to fuel me to do better because you can actually make money off of shit like this and that and various other things besides I want to send messages by making videos and having people read into my soul and what not. Because I'm the type of person who wants to share my story so others can learn or someone who has been or is in the same situation can know that they aren’t the only ones. Okay well yeah that’s why oh and I just started my general psy class today and I can already see it KICKING MY ASS x__x WHHHHYYY?! ANYWAY… that’s all for real for now folks who are still reading my crap.

SOME BULLSPIT!

Okay soooo like long story short my sister pissed me the hell off not too long ago. Well she was sitting on the couch with a movie paused and was just singing and fucking around while i finished cleaning the kitchen. I got done (she had been doing that for like 10 mins) so i was like ok can we play (the movie) this now.and she didnt answer just kept fucking around and im like ok so i tried to grab the remote and she has faster reflexes sooo yuh and then i grabbed the other remote and she was like yeah,yeah i would like to see you play it with that and im just like bitch i know wtf im doing and i was like im not gonna play it so i went to youtube and was gonna play criminal minds ( i hooked up internet to our tv) she was like turn that back i was watching it. omg if there was an emoticon for my face it wouldnt even do justice i was like WTF it was paused and you were to busy playin around. She was just being a jerk... so i turned on an episode of Criminal Minds and she was searching for something to fuck up so i wouldnt be able to watch it and i just got up and walk out of the living room. I came in here and started singing. Of course i want to be alone and people just keep fuckin with me. Im thinking im gonna make a sign and put it on the outside of my door and its gonna say "My door is locked DO NOT KNOCK BECAUSE I WILL NOT ANSWER... Do not call me unless someone is dying..dont even call me to eat ill eat when everybody goes to sleep. You have been warned have a nice night. :)"  Anyway i am thinking of really doing youtube videos because idk i think i have so much to talk about and nobody to talk to. So why not rant to my ipod camera. but what im not good at is making titles to my videos... even though they get named general things and you know what ever is being talked about in the video i just make them soooo uninteresting soooo yeah... Well anyway thats all for today byyyye :)

Curly Hair :)

Ok...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes JOk...so for about 4 maybe 5 months I have been wearing my hair natural...I have only had a perm once and I was really young it did horrible on my hair. I am biracial (half black half Italian) both of my parents have curly hair so I have been told I don’t know my biological father. My mom has been relaxer free forrrrrr 6 years on and off at first then completely for 4 years. I have had a perm a couple of times I lied ( annnd I just asked my mom who is here with me doing her thing on her laptop across the living room) When I was in the 6th and 7 th grade I had straightened my hair everyday... in the 8^th I was more curly than I was straight I hated my hair but the reason I wore it curly was because we had gotten puppies and they decided they like to chew on random abnormal things like cords ,blinds ,bed sheets ,and walls and doors -__-.

Any way I had to deal and I HATED my hair because I always looked like what I referred to as a mushroom. People said it was only pretty when wet so I kept running to the bathroom every hour or so to wet dampen soak etc my hair. It wasn’t until the summer of my 8^th grade year (I think) I wanted a change before I went to high school so I got layers my aunt is a beautician and she does my hair all the time when my mom stopped my 5^th grade year after lice the 2^nd time (which she put both my and my sisters hair in ponytails and CHOPPED TEARS AND HAIR WHERE EVRYYYYWHERE) worst childhood memory ever..

Anyway I remember this Hispanic girl I talked to all the time her name was lincey and I wanted her hair sooo badly it stopped mid back all in layers it was sooooo pretty and the layers were very prominent but blended (no joke think about stairs but not blocky) so I told my aunt layers I didn’t know curly hair was supposed to be in layers anyway so it won’t look like giant pyramid when it dries.

So new cut flat hair I refused to go through what I did in 8^th grade with wetting my effin hair every chance I got… so the cycle of straightening everyday began again all the way through to my 10^th grade year… with my hair being curly a few times through the year yet again no joke like 1 week out of the whole year. I got tired of flat ironing everyday so 10^th grade I kept it straight for a week washed it Saturday flat ironed it the same day.. I got used to that routine and THEN I got tired of dry, burnt smelling same length hair.SOOOO in my junior year I started to wear it curly and it was long enough natural to put into a high bun so I did that as well I'm a hair twirler so at first I would always take it down for about 15 mins a class to play with because It calmed me ( Around the end of my freshman and my whole 10^th grade year I was self-harming)  when I began feeling anxious or nervous in anyway even just bored. More split ends came my way and finally my senior year I went half and half. Now that I have graduated I realized I want my long curly hair back….oh an extra fact through my 11^th and 12^th grade years within 6-8 months I had dyed my hair 6 times… sad I know I treated my hair terrible.

Anyway I started to see other curly girls and got inspired… by 4 wonderful women in particular and they are Andrea Lewis and Shannon Boodram  ( I hope I'm spelling things right) AKA Thosegirlsarewild on youtube and .com for their website. Annnd Shanti and Antoinette also known as Aroundthewaycurls and .com for their website as well. They used to be acurlsbf but had a name change.

Ok after watching a few vids and reading tips I was like why shouldn’t I go curly? I mean I can name reasons why I couldn’t..and in the end I asked myself why? Why? Why?!......and myself came up with this…WELL…WHY THE HELL NOT?!

SOOOO I stopped touching the flat iron and realized too little too late…I have MAJOR heat damage… I mean the left top side of my head is straight.. and now that its growing properly ive got wave now and the top isssss…just crazy curly my hair is growing I have proof because so are my nails…(I used to be a frequent nail biter too oh  habits) the thing is.. is that my hair isn’t showing length….and I'm having trouble with getting it trimmed…which is certainly needed…I can ask my aunt but soon she will be starting a new job and I might need someone who specializes in curly hair… any suggestions comments questions you know what to do… But I think the point of this post was to ask people.. Is there something wrong with being natural? Why is it so hard for other cultures to approve of curly hair? Do we need approval? Why cant more of us go natural? Is curly hair beautiful?  I used to ask these questions frequently and it like why should I care what people think my hair is my hair I REFUSE to harm it to “look good” in societies eyes Jv

Reflection Paper -___-

Ok ive been a bad blogger again dammnnniiit im sorry..! I just when i wana write some thing i start to think is anybody really gonna care or understand then im just like ehhh i guess i wont...I'm also thinking about writing fics. Theres this site called AsianFanFics.com and I LOVE IT.. If you have one add me LucidDreamer
any way i was doing a reflection paper for my Psy180 class annnnnnnd its totally wrong of whatever but i thought it would make a good topic.. its about my best friend again... and its long as fuck because i tend to talk a lot anyway.. here it is... I have a friend. We’ve known each other for 10 years and she’s never had a boyfriend. She’s also older than me so I consider her my older sister. When she was telling me the good news (about her getting a boyfriend) I was excited. We had talked about a change in our friendship long before that ever came about. I have had boyfriends in the past and we always talked about how I’m always leaving my boyfriend for her. I would always say isn’t that how it should be until I get married? But then again I should never feel l like I have to choose. We would always talk about the other girls that would completely forget about their friends and only worry about the person they were dating at the time.

We always said that we would never be like that. So a few weeks ago when I spent the night over her house she told me she was going to go somewhere with him and that she thought I should come I declined because I didn’t want to look like a third wheel. Of course she said I wouldn’t but I told her no matter how you put it in words I will always look like third wheel in that situation besides we’re not going to do anything here and I might just go swimming all day anyway. With that said he showed up and I met him they left and came back around 1. I though he was just going to drop her off.

Instead he came upstairs into the house and it made everything very awkward for me because they stayed in the living room while I stayed in her room. I wasn’t sure if I should close the door or if I should go out there with them. I didn’t want to intrude so I stayed in her room leaving a few times to go get something to eat use the bathroom etc. I went out there the first time and noticed the TV was off and I didn’t search for them in fear of what I might find but I yelled out from the kitchen and said something about crackers to see if they were still even in the house and Nina yelled back oh really so that’s when I knew they were in the living room.

I didn’t want to interrupt anything else so I went outside she asked where I was going and I just said to sit on the stairs. She lifted herself up but Mitch quickly pulled her back down on the couch and she laughed so I left. I can admit I was upset for being put in that situation because I feel if she wanted to spend more time with him then they should’ve stayed out. I had so many mixed emotions I was becoming irritable at the most. When I sat on the stairs it took her a while to come out. She only came out because her mom got home. This upset me the most. I was angry. FUMING. But I DID NOT let it show.

When her mom came home she opened the door while I and her mom were talking and her hair was sort of messy. She had this look on her face that made it look like she was guilty of something. I whispered ”Why do you look like you’ve done something wrong?” and she looked at me as if I had sprouted 6 heads. She proceeded to ask me what I was talking about and I said “Kid come on I’ve known you half your life…You look guilty...Is Mitch not supposed to be here?” She was like no I'm fine. Her mom went into the house and saw him there.

They greeted each other and we all sat outside on the stairs excluding her mom who was inside watching basketball. We sat outside and I put in both headphones because Mitch and Nina were talking and it wasn’t something I could but into I felt then Nina asked me a question. I answered her and Mitch had asked me something and I was surprised he did because he really never even acknowledged me. He said some stuff here and there. I kept one ear bud out and entered in the conversation when I had input but the conversation was always centered around Mitch instead of Nina or even just general conversation.

He then asked her I didn’t want to speculate that he whispered even though I feel he did. Because his body language made it look like he only wanted her to hear he leaned closer toward her and I'm guessing asked her if she was hungry, because Nina looked at me and asked me if I wanted to go with then to get something to eat. I agreed even though I didn’t have money (Nina knew this) I thought we were going to McDonald’s I could get full off of a kids meal. She left to get her stuff and Mitch and I stayed outside. I asked him where we were going and he told me the melting pot I had never heard of that and he saw the confusion on my face because he said “fondue?” I scrunched my face and we had a small conversation about it.

I made it obvious I didn’t have money and wanted to change my mind. But I had already said I was hungry and by me saying I didn’t have cash I had hoped they would change the destination. But my plan had failed because we got into the car and not soon after we were at the melting pot. I sent Nina a message asking who was paying because I didn’t know what to do and she asked Mitch. He said half and half and I knew it was because he didn’t want to pay for me to me it was a logical answer because he didn’t even offer to pay the whole way. I understood.  And Nina offered to pay for everyone he insisted half and half and kept saying it’s expensive.

Which made me feel even worst about tagging along. I felt like the worst friend of the year. She said it was ok and we continued with dinner. I noticed that she didn’t really laugh at the stuff I would say and we both have a sense of humor that doesn’t always transfer but WE understand each other EVERYTIME we make a joke.

 I could see she was stifling laughs and would laugh at the driest joke he told. I wasn’t rude or mean in any way even when he smacked my hand trying to be funny while I was playing with one of my ear buds I guess he was trying to knock it out of my hand. Nina laughed but I just stood there. I felt it was very disrespectful and I was hurt Nina didn’t say anything. I felt as if she wasn’t being herself. This made me very distant in their conversations. I felt as if I would make a joke there would be that awkward silence so I just giggled at some of the stuff they said and mostly listened to my music. I would try to turn my attention somewhere else when he would kiss her because that would cause people to stare and that embarrassed me a little too. Mostly they stared because they are an interracial couple, then they would stare at the fact that he was constantly kissing her. I felt a few stares and made eye contact with a few people whom I just smiled at and turned away again and tried to start up a conversation ewe could all join into. In the end it would always be just two of us talking either Nina and I were in a conversation or it was Mitch and Nina. We finished went back to Nina’s and I thought he was leaving so I prepared to say goodbye and he turned off the car and walked in with us.

Needless to say I stayed in her room and they stayed in the living room. He spent the night and left early morning when I woke up she asked me how I felt about him I tried to be as honest as I could without sounding like I completely hated him or as if I was jealous. She acted like she was surprised that I was feeling like a third wheel. And I pointed things out for her and she sounded as if she was making excuses. I just agreed to disagree because no matter how many times I told her I was a third wheel she would say I wasn’t. I had told her there would be a change in our friendship and to me the change depends on her if she wants to spend more time with Mitch then go ahead and if not then go ahead. I don’t mind either way but I won’t be a third wheel.

It’s been 3 weeks since we have talked I'm not sure why but I feel like I know why. I never hide my feeling from her but this time I feel as if I kind of did. I have recently talked with her and the atmosphere is kind of awkward and whenever she brings up Mitch in a conversation I listen for a while then switch to something else because I know that if I let her she'll keep going on and on. 

And there it goes...hahah all i did was copy and paste obviously so when im writing this im like lmao funny like i had super human speed XD anyway ill do a double post cause im hungry right now sooo YUH.. UNTIL LIFE STOPS :)